It's amazing how fast time flies! Then again....maybe not so much.

I've just gotten off of a 2 week 16 hour stint with my theatre group for our performances. Our last performance is tomorrow morning and then we have set strike next week. I'm looking for a job now, so I might not be able to strike with them. >< I hope I will, it always helps when trying to get into Directors Circle or trying to make people not hate me from being assitant director. 

I've also decided that I'm never going to have sex before I'm married. I always knew I wouldn't, but I've never seen anyone ever just completely loose it after loosing their virginity. Until today. I was helping backstage when I noticed that one of my friends was really upset and when I went over to check up on her, she just burst into tears and told me that she regretted having sex with this absoloute jerk named David. 

And he is a jerk. 

She was so upset over it though I firmly decided that I wasn't going to give it away unless it was to the guy I was sure I was going to marry. [Hopefully a handsome, sword-wielding, scot]

-Yawn- 

I'm tired. I uploaded some new photos on my flickr.

I'm really excited today. My friend Sylvia and I are planning a couple of photoshoots, so I've been busy trying to get ideas for 'scenes'. I'll be doing the photography for it, and then I need to figure out how much gas its' going to cost me [The price of being jobless]. However, I'm just really excitied! 

Eh....I'm writing this to put off my quarter project. I really need to finish the line drawing for it and then start marking it out with the pastels. I hope to god that I don't screw this bloody thing up! Eeeek! 

OH! Also, I finally got around to opening my Flickr account. You can find me there at AydensGrace. Yes,  I know, different username, again. I CAN'T HELP IT!  I love change.....especially when it comes to my theatre performance pieces [which drives my theatre director nuts] and, of course, usernames! 

Anyways, now I have to go work on that project......

SNACKS! 

[more procrastination]

To quote a book from Karen Marie Moning: 

I've fallen in love with a country. 

Although in all reality, it's countries. Ireland and Scotland. I went to Ireland last summer, after years of fascination and obsession with Ireland and the Celtic people, and fell in love with it. We [Me and my sister, Christina] didn't head to Dublin, like many tourists [And I strive, whenever I travel, to be as untouristy as possible] , but instead to a little town on the otherside of Ireland near Galway called Enis. 

Enis is this beautiful little town that's nestled against a river and has just about as much authenticity as a lion in a safari. It's also a very cultural town, only an hour from Doolin, which I'll get to in a minute. There was this resturant in the town called Brogan's, and they had the best lamb! We went back there three or four times during our eight day stay. We'd get up in the morning, have breakfast in the bed n' breakfast and tote around the place. [We ended up exploring this off-the-map-on-a-hill-across-a-lake monestary from Viking times] Then, we'd head into town and eat lunch at a little cafe called O'Briens. 

As much as I love America.... *cough/cough* I love Ireland more....lots more..

It's people.
It's land.
It's history.
It's culture....

And here I am writing all of this, thinking, does anybody understand? Does loving a country so much make me unable to love a guy? I don't know....but my track record with boyfriends has been bad, lightly speaking...Who knows. Maybe I'm thinking too much on this....?

I've made a promise to myself. Well....more like a pledge or an oath I suppose, but I've done it anyways. I was talking with my friend J late last night and she and I were sitting in bed talking until twelve-thirty or so. J's a sweetheart, she and I went to a private grade school together until I left for a public secondary school last year. So we're really close. I think we understand each other more then I think we do.

 Anyways, she recently went to Austria, Romania and Hungary on a missions trip for the school, and we were laughing about some of the things she and her group did. [Really hilarious stuff, I must add.] I was telling her about my recent trip to Ireland over the summer with my sister. We both had a blast and it was one of the most amazing vacations I'll ever experience. It definitely cleared up some decisions about where I want to go to Uni. I was planning on attending in England or Scotland, [Edinburgh, most likely] but now I have Uni's in Ireland to look at too. O.o

Getting back to the point here....

We were talking about our parents and how different each of our parents are. Mine are land rich and cash poor and in serious financial debt. I know they probably don't want me to be hearing or discussing it, but where do they get the idea that just because I'm in the next room means that I can't hear them talk about our finances?! Her parents, however, [More specifically, her father] own all of the liquor stores in the county, so they're pretty well-off. However, she's just as worried at being able to provide for herself, because she doesn't want to rely on her parents for money, and the way she sees it, she's got two options. 

1. Become a lawyer and try to get rich
2. Marry a rich guy. 

She doesn't want to become a lawyer, I know her, she'd be much better at an Interior designer or something like that. Who knows...

As for me and my promise? I figure I got two options also: 

1. Become a graphic designer and keep my head above the debt waters...
2. Become an author and still have debt.

I like design, so option one isn't as bad a choice as I figure. Besides, I can always write on the side....hopefully. I love writing, and I've already written two novels, but I'm just not going to rely on becoming world famous and letting that be my sole provision. 

I doubt I'm going to get that famous. >.>

You've probably read this entire thing going 'When the hell is she going to say her promise?' so, in lieu of that, my promise: 

I'm never going to be as in debt as my parents. I refuse to let it happen.

I love theatre. I really do. I love theatre in all it's aspects--from Broadway to all of the touring companies that want to get to Broadway and then to the secondary plays that I watch and participate in in school. For some reason, a play can be as contraversal as one wants it to be, but on the other hand, a movie has to conform to the standards Hollywood sets for it. This is why I love theatre. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge movie buff and reguarly hit the movies once a week to watch anything from The Holiday to The Kingdom and then to Elizabeth or something like Stardust, but theatre opens up an entirely different world. 

For instance, you can talk about being racist, or being gay, and nobody cares. It's completely normal! Isn't that something to be desired? 

As for the title of this post, there's this play called Avenue Q which is basically this muppet show for adults, and one of the numbers in it is 'We're all a Little Bit Rascit'. It talks about everybody being racsits, and bloody hell, it's true! We all do it internally, even if we don't say it aloud. 

For instance, I'm racist about big, black guys. I happen to fit them all into the catagory of 'Please God, don't shoot me!' . See? It's not a big deal, and I don't walk up to them and go 'Excuse me, but could you really not join that gang I know your in and shoot me when you rob someplace?' . It's just internal. If you go the other way, for example, one might fit me into the catagory of White chick being a poser gothic girl. I take offense to that. Therefore, you are being racist. See? It's not a big deal, and I'm sure that everyone does it. 

What seperates us from the rest of the people who are really racist, is that they voice their opions loud and clear, while we do it internally. And then sometimes, racism is merly a condition we've been raised in. If you've been raised to tolerate people of all races, and grew up in a town where there were a mix of people, your less likely to be racists against people. However, if you a white person growing up in some rural suburban town in say...Alabama, then your probably going to act a little bit racist to black people. It s just the way you've been raised. 

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not trying to make excuses for people who are racists and voice those opions loudly, but maybe a little bit more understanding between groups of people and the acceptance that we all make prejudices against people who don't look normal or who don't fit into our definition of 'normal', might go along way into helping to create alittle more peace in the world. 

+++++++++

In any case, since I'm actually going to try and update this with my life, I've created a set of rules so that I can spill my darkest feelings and not have to worry about friends reading this: 

I. I shall not name names.
II. I shall not curse.
III. I shall not name addresses.

Pretty simple eh? I can say whatever I want, even if It might offend them, but since I'm not specifically naming names, they don't know who I'm talking about!  [I hope! ]